Great Lent, Day 26 - To Persist

I set out my goals in the last post, and at a mere twenty-five days in I have already failed most of them at least once - but in doing so, I have learned some valuable lessons. 

The first is humility. I typically think of myself as an exceptionally strong-willed person. In the last twenty-five days my willpower has been put to the test, and while I have had many successes I have had even more failures. But if I fail one day, that doesn't say anything about the next. I get up the next morning and try again - and if I don't, then the next morning after that is fair game. Which brings me to my second lesson: 

Persistence. What defines us: falling down, or getting up? I'd say it's whichever you did most recently. We fail. We fail a lot. It's part of being human, it's part of life. The only human being who never sinned was Christ Himself (to quote liturgy, 'for Thou only art without sin'), and He is a bit of a special case. So accepting that we will, inevitably, fail - what do we do? Try again. In Thirty Steps to Heaven, Papavassiliou says it much more eloquently than I can here, but fundamentally it's trying that matters -  trying to be better, to master our passions, to unite ourselves to God, to walk the path of a good Christian (which includes being a good person). Or to quote Batman, why do we fall down? To pick ourselves back up. 

We're halfway through Great Lent, and I'll venture to say we've all tripped up once or twice, and not done as much as we could. Great Lent is the school of repentance, though. So let us all take our failures as a lesson, and try to do better. We'll fail again, naturally, but maybe we'll fail a little bit less, and get a little bit closer to our goal and our God. 

Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. 

With love,

Magdalene

Great Lent, Day 11 - To Abstain

Sex, Booze, and Video Games

One thing I quickly discovered on converting to Orthodoxy is that Orthodox Lent is, for lack of a better word, hardcore. I was familiar, as I think most modern Westerners are, with Catholic Lent, and giving up, say, artificial sweetener seemed like a good token sacrifice. A nice, doable one. For those unfamiliar with Orthodox fasting, I recommend this page. In short, you are restricted to a vegan diet sans olive oil and alcohol, and also restricted from marital relations. That's the base rules - there are more, depending on the week and day of Lent. Read the link I provided for full details. In the spirit of Lent, and wanting to focus more on prayer and meditaton, I opted to give up video games (ack!) because for medical reasons I can't keep the full fast. This year, our Great Lent runs from March 3rd to April 20th (48 days, if I have my math right). 

Hardcore, and long. 

But it's really important, and I'm glad we have the strict tradition we do, because I've come to view it really more like a holiday. 

Say what? Yes, you read that right. A holiday from the world. It's very easy to get caught up in the crazy world that we live in, and Lent is a break from that. We are strongly encouraged, during this special time of year, to make a special effort. To give charity, to study scripture, and many other things - in short, to be a better Christian. Not a perfect Christain (unattainable), or maybe even a good one - just better. As Fr. Stephen says, we can only do according to the grace that is given to us. We are each at a different point on our spiritual path, and it's not good to skip ahead and take too much on. Lent is a blessed time of year when we focus solely on Christ, and the ascetic traditions of the church are passed down from generation to generation because they are an enormous help in doing that. 

That's not to say that it's pleasant or easy. Quite the opposite. But in my limited experience, the only way to get through these fasting periods (of which Lent is the longest, but certainly not the only) is to focus on what you are gaining - which is a closer relationship with God. So rather than looking ahead to Easter, when I can finally eat a cheeseburger and get back to Guild Wars, I focus on the present. Yes, I'm hungry and irritable and I can't zone out for a couple of hours in Kerbal to forget about my problems. But I've read more, and just generally gotten more done, in the last ten days than I usually do in a month. The house is clean. I've read a good book. I've actually gotten some good work in on my book. I've prayed every night (still working on mornings, but it isn't going well - I can't remember what my own name is before I get a cup of coffee). I've been going to Vespers and staying late, having great conversations with my priest and the few others that stick around. I've started this blog (finally) and I even update occasionally! So my to-do list is looking good. But most importantly, I feel closer to God - with every long prayer, and every unsatisfying bowl of vegetables. :P I feel less attached to the things that usually seem so important, and more focused on the most important. 

But I'm still glad it's only 48 days. This is the diary of a part-time nun. 

With love,

Magdalene

Great Lent, Day 8

My second post is dedicated to another great inspiration, Everyday Saints by Archimandrite Tikhon. 

First, let me explain that some years ago, my husband and I started reading books to one another in the evening. It began long before our marriage - and conversion - as a cheap way to spend time together and to give us something to talk about. I highly recommend it. We don't do it nearly as often as we should. 

We'd let the tradition die for some time, but for dormition fast last year I asked my husband if he would be interested in hearing me read a book that I had greatly enjoyed, and was well-suited to storytelling. He agreed. 

The book, of course, was Everyday Saints, and I found that I enjoyed sharing it even more than I had enjoyed reading it.

First of all, Father TIkhon is a fantastic storyteller and a devoted monk, and he shares not only his own stories but those of his friends, acquaintences, and Orthodox tradition as a whole with a singular love and cheer. Since he writes primarily about his fellow monks under Soviet rule, this love and cheer is sometimes necessary to make the stories palatable. It is a very Russian book. At times, I couldn't keep reading aloud because I was laughing too hard. At times, I struggled to speak through very real tears. It's a beautiful collection of stories written in an easy and compelling style. 

But what's most important about the book is not the book itself, nor the experience of reading it - it is the experience of having read it. To say it is inspiring is an understatement. Since I'm not given to hyperbole I won't say that it has completely changed my life, but it has certainly had an impact for the better. I try to imitate good Father Tikhon in my own way, now. I'm married, and I don't think I was ever meant to be a nun, anyway, but it's made me want to spend time in a monastic community. It's caused me to take things in stride, to be more cheerful, more loving, and more humble; to trust more in faith and feel less self-conscious about my religion and religious experiences. 

Fundamentally, if Father Tikhon and so many others can not only endure but thrive, grow in their faith, and help others, all under the Soviet Union, then what excuse do I have for not doing the same? It's a book I intend to read again and again, because I want to be reminded of what is truly beautiful in this world of ours, and what is best in myself. It's not a book that makes me feel guilty for not being better or doing more, but rather brings me to focus on what is best in my life and my self. 

I think that's an important part of Lent, the great school of repentance. It's not only about asceticism and confession and atonement - though those are certainly important aspects. It's also about the positive changes we can make for ourselves and those around us. Lent is beautiful sadness. Lent is what comes before the resurrection, our salvation. Lent is about becoming a better Christian to meet our Savior on Easter; it is a time we set aside to improve ourselves before crying with joy and conviction that Christ is risen. It is the vigil before the most glorious dawn. So as I go through this year's Lenten journey, I will keep in my heart the humble and indomitable striving of Archimandrite Tikhon, and I will try to do the same. 

With love,

Magdalene

Great Lent, Day 4

I want to dedicate my first post to one of my greatest inspirations for starting this blog: J Wilson of Brewvana/Diary of a Part-Time Monk, who went 46 days without solid food for an amazing and historically inspired Lent.


Summary:
Home brewmaster rediscovers hearty old-fashioned beer traditionally served during Lent in certain parts of Germany - so hearty, in fact, that it's nearly food. Despite some initial difficulties, brewmaster (or meister) then proceeds to live off of that beer and water for the duration of Lent (46 days that year), finding discipline, focus, and clarity along the way.

I don't think that my boss will let me live on beer, but he has inspired me in general to try harder this Lent. Also, it's really fascinating from historical, biological, and spiritual perspectives.


Full Discussion:
I decided to study different Lenten traditions as part of my work this Lent, and I came across the Diary of a Part-Time Monk. If you haven't read it I recommend a look. The writer decides to follow an old German Lent custom of a solely liquid diet during Lent - 4 beers a day during the week and 5 on weekends. Due to the high nutrition and low alcohol content, this is actually a) possible and b) well within both the spirit and doctrine of Lent. And giving up all solid food is certainly a sacrifice! The tradition grew out of the combination of strict Southern European fasting practices combined with harsh northern living conditions - the compromise was to develop a hearty drink that would provide enough nourishment to survive March on the North Sea without breaking the tradition of a liquid-only Lenten fast. 

I personally have a lot of difficulty with fasting due to medical reasons. I think a liquid-only diet might actually land me in the hospital. I have great respect (and, I must admit, a little bit of envy) for those who undertake great fasting feats, but we must each strive according to the grace and the gifts that have been given to us. I can't keep a strict fast for 40 days, but I can write, and seeing other people undertake great labors in the name of Christ has inspired me to do what I can. In the Parable of the Minas, Luke 19:11-27 (OSB), according to the church fathers, we are each given a great goodness by God, and we are judged according to how we use it. I will summarize the parable here for our purposes as well as I can according to the Orthodox Study Bible notes. In the parable, each of ten servants is given a talent - a great sum of money - when the master goes away to receive a great inheritance. When he returns, the servants who used their allotment wisely in the service of their master and give him a great return on his investment are rewarded greatly - they receive a city for each additional talent they earned. The first man gives his master back ten talents, and recives ten cities. Another, five. And the last buried his talent in the ground for safekeeping and earned nothing - and the talent he was given is given to the servant who had earned ten. Is he rebuked only for failing? We all fail from time to time. He is rebuked for not seeking help from the church in how to use his gifts, represented in the parable by the master asking why the servant buried the talent in the ground rather than depositing it with the bankers so that he could have at least received interest. 

So I'll leave you with this thought: what are your gifts? And how are you using them?

With love,

Magdalene

About me:
I am a relatively new convert to Orthodoxy, and I find it a pleasurable duty to study the history and traditions of the Christian church. Disclaimer: I'm not a priest or particularly well-educated in the church.


About this blog:
We'll see if it lasts past Lent, but I wanted to share the work I am doing on history and philosophy, both ancient and modern, both focused on the church and other. Lent has been a great spur to my studies and I hope you find my work interesting. Why the title 'Diary of a Part-Time Nun'? Well, it isn't just an homage to J Wilson. Everyday Saints by Archimandrite Tikhon is near and dear to my heart, and has inspired me to try to incorporate some monastic traditions into my life. This will particularly be a focus during this Lent. However, I intend to go into that in more detail in a later post.